boxedjellyfish:

I wish my whole vocab. was as great as this line.

craigslistdad:

how to ride without a bus ticket in 2 easy steps

squiderpy:

I forgot my name was “bitch I might be” on Skype and called a friend

unimpressedcats:

taco cat is taco cat spelt backwards 

thatsqualitystuff:

canadians

theflaggirl:

you have no idea how much this pissed me off as a kid

snowmiserr:

one time I was working at Dolly Parton’s water park as a photographer in the lazy river, and taking pictures and what not and I look up and see this very familiar black man floating in a tube toward me. 
and it is Akon.  So I’m like ‘hey Akon would you like a picture with your family today?’ He is all like ‘no thank you sweetie’ and I was all “well you have a good day, Akon” 
he said you too and floated on.  

Beyoncé responds to pregnancy rumors

nerdyninjanicole:

#salad

I don’t want to be 
your entire world, no.
I would be happy
just to be your morning coffee,
your hanging car keys,
your wallet.

Something seemingly
insignificant,
but if lost throws off
your entire day.

sunshineface0014:

assbutt-in-the-garrison:

I need my glasses to find my glasses do you see my problem

You can’t even see your problem